Thomas Gataker (1574-1654) was a Puritan minister in the Church of England and a member of the Westminster Assembly. In 1623, he published two wedding sermons, one of which was entitled, "A Wife In Deed" and based on Proverbs 18:22, "He that findeth a Wife, findeth Good; and obtaineth Favour of God." You can read the sermon
at this link. In contains many quotable portions. For example, he wrote,
There is much want of comfort then in Solitude; much Comfort in Society. But there is no Society more near, more entire, more needful, more kindly, more delightful, more comfortable, more constant, more continual, than the Society of Man and Wife; the main Root, Source and Original of all other Societies: Which of all others therefore Man is naturally most inclined unto…
He said that a good wife is
The best Companion in Wealth;
The fittest and readiest Assistant in Work;
The greatest Comfort in Crosses and griefs;
The only warrantable and comfortable Means of Issue and posterity;
A singular and sovereign Remedy ordained by God against Incontinency;
And the greatest Grace and Honour, that can be, to him that hath her.
The portion I particularly want to share in this post is what he said about
seeking a good wife. (In all of these quotes I modernize the spelling, but keep original capitalization and italics. I am also not including the marginal references, which you can find in the
original.) He wrote,
But how may a man come by such a Wife, as is here spoken of? may some say: such a one as shall be a means of so much good to him that hath her?
She must be sought; saith Solomon. For finding implieth seeking. And He that seeketh, findeth; saith our Saviour. We must not think, because Solomon elsewhere saith, that Houses and inheritance are of the Fathers, but a good Wife is of God; that therefore no industry is to be used on our part, but that men should lie still, or sit them down, expecting that God should drop Wives down out of the clouds for them, as Towns were said to come into Timotheus his toils, while he slept. No; unless we seek, we are not like to find. And if by seeking we may find, if after much search made, we may light on such an one, we are well.
Such a Wife then must be sought.
And so sent Abraham his Servant to seek a Wife for his Son Isaac. So Naomi telleth Ruth her Daughter in Law, that she will seek out some fit match for her.
There is good Reason to seek such an one in two Respects:
First in regard of the Rarity, the Difficulty. Because such are not easily found. Where may we find such a Man? saith Pharaoh of Joseph, implying that such an other as he could very hardly be found. And, Where may a Man find such a Woman? saith Solomon. As he saith elsewhere of a faithful Friend; Many men will boast, each one of his honesty; but where shall a man find a Friend truly Faithful; one that indeed deserveth that name? So many Women may promise great matters of themselves, or others undertake for them: But it is no easy matter, for all that, to find out a good Wife, one that answereth the Name she beareth. Many Priests, and yet Few Priests too; saith one of the Ancients: many in Name, but few in effect. So many Women, and few Wives, may one well say; few such, among many, as Solomon here entreateth of. Good Wives are rare Creatures, as well as trusty Friends are. And though I dare not say of them, as Elihu of an able Pastor, Solomon of a Wise Man, and some other of a true Friend; One such of a thousand. Yet may I well and safely say, that as well here as else-where, The greater Part exceedeth the better: there is more drossy matter than pure metal; more pebbles than pearls. As the Cynic sometime sought for a Man in a multitude of Men: so may such a Wife as Solomon here speaketh of, be sought, yea and scarce found sometime, among a multitude of Women.
Secondly, In regard of the worth and dignity. It is well worth a man's labour. He need not think much of his search, if he have good success in it. As the difficulty of finding requireth it; so the dignity of the thing sought requiteth it. It is no wisdom indeed to seek after toys and trifles, matters of no moment, that will not recompense a man's pains, when without much difficulty they cannot be had. But a worthy Woman is a matter of worth. She is well worthy the seeking. She is a greater blessing than either House or Inheritance: and her price is above Pearls. And if there be so much seeking generally on all hands after the one, much more may there justly be as much after the other.
But how must she be sought then?
I answer: First by due and diligent consideration of, and careful search and inquiry into the nature, quality, and disposition, and into the life, courses and conversation, of the party motioned or affected for Marriage: whether she be so qualified as a Wife ought to be, and as is fit for one to be that should be thy Wife. For fitness in special, as well as goodness in general, is one main ground of the good and benefit that a Wife is to bring to him, whom she is matched unto.
Secondly, by using the help and taking the advice of Friends. A course especially to be embraced and entertained of those that are themselves unexperienced, or that are yet under the power of others. So did Jacob herein follow his Father Isaac's advice; contrary to the practice of his Brother Esau. And Ruth was content to be ruled by her Mother in Law Naomi, though having not the power over her of a natural Parent.
Thirdly, by seeking unto those that are the Parents or Governors of such as they affect or desire, being yet under the power of such. So did Abraham's Servant deal with the Friends of Rebekah. And Shechem (though he had been before indeed too forward) with the Brethren of Dinah, and with her Father Jacob, by his Father Hamor; the very light of Nature leading and directing them thereunto.
Fourthly and principally by Prayer to God. As did Abraham's Servant, when he was sent to seek a Wife for his young Master: And as Isaac did when he dismissed his Son Jacob with Instructions and charge what course to take concerning a Wife.
For (and so pass we to the next Point) God is the principal Donor here. He that will find a Wife, saith Solomon, must obtain her of God. And, House and inheritance are of the Fathers; but a prudent Wife is of God. From God therefore it is that a Good Wife must be had.
